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sunday [20 Feb 2005|03:58pm]
alex phoned me at half 10.

yes i will cover your shift but dont wake me up again! worked her shift (1-6) then got asked to work for claire (6-10). i decided to stay on, i had nothing else to do.
before we sink

saturday [19 Feb 2005|03:56pm]
just went into town with brenda today.

sat in tonite.

and i dont even care cos im happy now.
before we sink

friday [18 Feb 2005|03:49pm]
Oh my god. i am so happy.

what happened-

went to biffy, it was good, was with dave the whole time then eventually he just turns to me and goes "so you think we should just be friends then?". i fucking love him. it was like a mssive burden had been lifted from my shoulders it was amazing. and then it was just back to normal, actually, better than normal, we were hugging and kissing and holding hands it was lovely.

god were weird.

then left dave ally ross stu & sarah in central and met gill, G & this guy i dont know. went to Art School, got in no bother with the ID. had a fucking amazing nite, got so pissed & puked down the steps outside but still went back to Gs. no sex, just gave him head.

i can't believe how happy i am.

got back to my house 1 and a half hours before my exam haha. got showered and me and gill got a taxi down. went into the exam still drunk, wrote half a page for Plato although i did draw a very nice divided line.

had work as well at night, it was a good laugh. i cant stop smiling.

weight: i don't care
before we sink

thursday [17 Feb 2005|03:48pm]
didnt study at all today. oh well, who gives a shit?

weight: 104lbs
before we sink

wednesday [16 Feb 2005|10:40pm]
woke up at 3 today. did nothing. well i binged. it was horrible, oreo cookies and cheese & rice cakes. bad fucking combination. got most/all of it up in the shower.

went to work, ate not that much but i just finished a roll and chips there. must purge it. ive got to stop doing this ill fuck up my throat.

must study tomorrow. then biffy, see dave. must work this out

ill phone gill, see what she has to say.

weight: ?
before we sink

tuesday [15 Feb 2005|10:35pm]
was supposed to be going into town next day with gill but got phoned into work early. i didnt mind cos G wasnt going to be in town anyway. had an alright time working then went to daves afterwards. it felt weird. we never talked about us "going out". so i dont even know if we are. werent being coupley at all. i hate things being up in the air like this. we watched kingpin and the breakfast club. the breakfast club was fucking good. i couldnt find the words to say to him. even when i went home i couldnt phone him. ill be seeing him (probably drunk) at biffy on thursday night so ill talk to him then.

maybe he didnt want to talk about it tonite co he wanted to reflect on how we acted together? i dont know. i thought i was definately sure i didnt want to go out with him anymore. but now theres a tiny bit of doubt in my head and its annoying me. i like G. but then again its dave. dave who ive never stopped loving in one way or another for 2 years.

i just don't know.

weight: ?
before we sink

monday [14 Feb 2005|10:29pm]
i love ross. he invited me down to nelly's. we got stoned. it was excellent. just like he said, it doesn't make you forget, but it makes you not care. which to me, is even better. obviously got the munchies so ate too much but i dont even care. at night it looked like i wasnt going to be doing anything but then gill phoned and invited me to Gs. christ i was scared. for some reason i really like him and i dont know why. i fancy him more than dave. is that wrong? so had a good time there met michael, amy, gaby and chloe who were all nice and got drunk.

gill came and stayed at mine, told her all about dave. she thinks hes a dick too, its all good.

G is hot. i want to do naughty things to him.

before we sink

sunday [13 Feb 2005|11:55am]
dave got back late from work. i dont think im ever going to see him. hes working all day tomorrow too.

im not even going to see my boyfriend on fucking valentines day.

ive definately put on weight, i can feel it. i feel hideous and unwanted and shit. i hate being me. bring on the self pity once again.

why can't something go rite for me tough, just for once?

weight: couldn't weigh myself today either
before we sink

saturday [12 Feb 2005|07:14pm]
phoned him twice today, he never answered. yes i was pissed off. went into town with brenda. it was bearable. he texted me while i was in, turns out hes doing something with bell tonite as well. how can we make this work if im never going to see him?

invited gill up for some film watching. found out dave & bells plans fell through. bet he wouldnt even have phoned me. bell came up for half an hour till 10. then he and dave and carr went to the OP. bell came up again after gill had left. it was nice seeing him. i enjoy being spending time with him.

got a phonecall from dave at 5 in the morning. it was good at first. then he starts saying he regrets asking me out cos it will spoil what we have. will it fuck hell spoil what we have by asking me out the dumping me 3 days later after seeing me for 2 hours.

i think hes just scared. im scared as hell too. i think we feel the same but he cant see how much this will hurt me. he never can. hes going to think about it. i adore that boy.

what the fuck do i feel for him though?

all i know is i can't lose him again. i don't think id make it this time.

weight: ? i couldn't weight today
before we sink

friday [11 Feb 2005|07:10pm]
haven't seen him today. i miss him. texted him before i went to work. work was crap. ate too much as usual.

they were going to stu bells tonite. wish i got invited, he managed to invite kirsten easily enough. must cut down on jealousy.

before we sink

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